| Wrong? Any schollared writer would frown on this, however, this is my world & my space, so wrong as it may be. | |
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~ June 2004 ~ 6.9.2004 17:37 on : Quite FRANKly..... Ever hear a song on the radio that takes you back, heart and soul, to a moment n time that holds more meaning than words can describe revolving around a person in your past? Even if only for a moment, or maybe, if you’re lucky, for a while longer, all of those feelings for that person and surrounding that person are back, real as ever. Then it surpasses and you might spend a little time reminiscing about them, possibly with a dumb half smile half smirk on your face, zoned into your own little world. Thinking about how it was then, and how things are now, and how much has changed….. but in some small way you will always treasure that person and/or the feelings. Today I was blessed with something on a much grander scale. There is someone in my past that I once had very strong feelings for roughly in 1994-95. Primarily as a friend, but there were some perks. At the time I’d wanted more than a friendship, but we were both in such different places in life all together and were going truly different directions. Hindsight 20/20 it was the friendship and the person as a whole that I loved, but I also wanted/needed closeness with another person so badly, and he was the poor soul in my line of sight. That’s all really beside the point though…. But it’s necessary to lay the groundwork….. On with the story… He just happened to also be in the band that played at the place that I had attached myself to as my ‘usual’ hangout - which is how I met him. As every love-sick lonely young woman does, I spent a lot of time watching them sing, setting by myself in the Last Frontier acting as if I wasn’t paying much attention, but I was watching him sing, and his voice alone became such a source of comfort that I think he could have sung children’s songs and I would have been just a smitten. Eventually the friendship developed, and even then I enjoyed the sound of his voice, even when he talked. Lucky me, he happened to have made a couple of cassettes (CD’s weren’t hot yet and Cassettes were still quite acceptable!) I had them both, and played them both practically dead. The one cassette though quickly became my favorite of the two. I played over and over and over and over and ….. I used to wish I had the guts to sing in public, or even wish I had the guts to tell HIM how much I loved his music and wanted to sing it with him….. I almost did once… but realized that just sounded so groupie-like. I loved this collection. But of course, you have to remember where I was at emotionally…. They all held so much meaning for me. I would hear his voice sing those words and think that I wished they were about me. I’m not talking in a delusional fantasy sort of way…. Remember, I had feelings for this guy. I have a very boring gushy sappy romantic side! I wasn’t the only one… and I wasn’t the only groupie (that’s what I felt like) either. I knew this, and tried to make myself go wherever they were playing every night, so I’d at least be able to make myself known. But that just wasn’t realistic. I didn’t want to be in a bar every night, and I was active duty Air Force at the time too, so being out late every night practically stalking, this guy just to hold my ground, just wasn’t conducive to LIFE! Besides, I'm not competitive that way. It wasn’t too long after that when he let me know there was someone else and things were serious. It was probably just as well…. At one point I had the foresight to make a couple copies of that favorite cassette of mine, in case something happened to one, and I did play the copies literally to death. I knew all the words, all the melodies. I even had certain places where I’d sing it my own way with ‘him’ while he sang on the recording. Life goes on… and I would think of him occasionally. I kept the original cassette he gave me and played it only on occasion after than. It was bitter sweet… I would still sing alone and still the words had very strong meaning…. for me. But it was silliness to think much more if it than that, because on one hand I really missed him and would have really liked to keep in touch with him. But on the other hand I know that I didn’t mean as much to him as he did to me and I was no doubt a distant memory. Here I am NINE years later…… I’ve been to Anchorage, where I knew him. And of course I thought of him every time I was there, and every time I drove anywhere near where he used to live I had the urge to try to reconnect. But again I would remind myself that I didn’t mean as much to him as he did to me and I was no doubt a distant memory. Some things are better left alone. Every once in a while I get a wild hair and try to locate someone I have lost touch with on the internet. “Everybody’s doin’ it” right? I don’t know why I’ve never tried to look him up before. He’s sure passed through my thoughts more than a few times since I’ve been back here. There’s a guy in the town that I live in that strongly resembles him in appearance. I have no idea who the guy is, but I have seen him enough times in the past 7 years I have been back that my old friend has been on my mind regularly instead of occasionally. I guess I just never made the connection… as at the time that I knew him I had no real contact with technology ‘stuff’ like computers, and as far as I know, neither did he….. Sure enough…. He’s not only still there, but he has his own web site, his own recording studio now, a CD for sale on his site, and even accepts PayPal! There wasn’t much information there, nothing really about the man…. But he had two albums mentioned on his site. I recognized the cover of one, and *ass*umed that was THE one that I loved so much because I recognized it. But that wasn’t the one for sale on his site, I was a little disappointed. I assumed that the other one, the one that IS for sale, was a new one. I didn’t even care, really, which CD it was, it would just be nice to hear his voice again, so I ordered it! Then I thought “What the hell. There’s an email link on this site, so he must WANT email. What can it hurt? Just drop a line, see if he even remembers you.” So I did. I heard back from him later that day or the next, either way; it was a friendly virtual reunion with recaps and catch-up information. I got my CD today. I stopped at the post office on my way home from work. I only live about a block from the PO though, and I really wanted to listen to this NOW! I knew that my dogs wouldn’t let me set in the driveway and listen without bugging me, and the truck has such nice sound… so I didn’t go home. I hit the highway and headed north. It’s mid afternoon on a Wednesday so there aren’t many people on the road. I set the cruise control for 50mph (at $2.12/gallon, let’s be realistic!) and within the first few notes of the first song… THIS IS IT! THIS IS THE collection I've missed SO much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy about this. Instantly I have a dumb half-smile half-smirk on my face, my eyes even welled up a little with happy “I miss you” tears, and I zoned into my own little world. It took me back, heart and soul, to a moment n time that holds more meaning than words can describe revolving around him and what little bit we did share together. I sang along strong, fumbling with the words some, like you might if you try to recite the National Anthem or Amazing Grace (my FAVE all-time song) – you know ‘em… but you need a couple practice runs. I remembered most of the words and ALL of the melodies, and even fell right into those certain places where I’d sing it my own way with ‘him’ while he sang on the recording! It surprised me how much I remembered. The CD skips a little in a few places, but ya know what? I don’t even care…. It’s like having my old cassette back again too. I was driving, singing, smiling that doofy smile, thinking about how it was then, and how things are now, and how much has changed….. and FRANKly... it just felt good to FEEL again.... i miss feeling... The words still have very strong meaning…. for me.... although different than they once did. Where I used to, a long time ago, think that I wish he’d say those things to me, I now found myself wondering if, while performing these songs over the years, in that place where I used to hang, wondering if he ever thought of me and wondered how I was doing. The answers don't really matter as much as that two hours I spent today remembering so much of what I had forgotten. Accurate memory? Probably not. My memory! No matter how you slice it! Funny how time changes you, huh? I will always treasure that; him, the feelings I had, and what he meant to me. I still find his voice a very strange comfort though. I’m taking my first road trip with my new truck this weekend. He’s coming with me… on his CD. He will keep me company and we will sing together again. It’s so good to have him back. What I wouldn’t give to be able to see him, give him a big ol’ hug and tell him thank you in person. But again, we’re back to the fact that he meant more to me than he even knew, more than he’ll ever know, and I’m sure his memory is quite different and much less detailed or meaningful. This is one of those treasures best kept within my heart and enjoyed by the only person who will really appreciate it; myself. Thank you my friend, for being who you were, then, to me and for being who you are now, for me to think fondly of as I remember. Maybe someday we will know each other again. See the WRITE version, the more philosophical, touchy, feely, poorly-written-poetic view. =========================================================================== =========================================================================== 6.5.2004 16:42 on : Seekins’ Ford officially SUCKS ASS! What the hell ever happened to customer service? Does it now only apply to people after they have spent money at your establishment thus making them technically a customer? Has the gap between actual paying customer and potential customer widened so much that you shouldn’t even bother giving the time of day to someone until they flash the greenbacks? I suppose you technically don’t own me shit until I have spent money in your establishment, however if I am using a product you endorse, sell, or whatever, wouldn’t it be some sort of good-faith service to give me the time of day considering that I will eventually need a service from you that I will pay for? Brief synopsis: I have been driving a ’92 Mazda B2600i since ’94 when I bought it from ‘Go See Cal, Go See Cal, Go Get Fucked” in Anchorage. (If that means nothing to you, then skip it!) It’s finally seen its last days until I put a new engine in it. I was advised not to even drive it anymore… but didn’t have much of a choice and had to drive it anyway. Seems that every time I got within a couple hundred dollars of what I needed for the new engine, something would come up and I was a couple rungs back down on the ladder. So I tried to get a loan. Well… as the financial/credit institutions often work, I couldn’t get anyone to loan me 3G, but had NO problems getting a loan for much more for a new-to-me truck; a 2001 Ford Ranger XLT. Luckily I did have a little saved up for a down payment so the monthly payments won’t kill me - just torture me! Knowing ONLY that my beloved Mazda and the Ford Ranger are practically the same truck, when this truck with low miles and VERY well taken care of presented itself, I knew I should get it, and did. A couple of the accessories I had on the Mazda that I consider can-live-withouts are the bug/stone deflector and the little visors over the driver and passenger windows that allow you to have the windows open even when it’s raining. I went to Schuck's (like Auto Zone) to get them for my new Ranger and this was the first indication to me that this XLT model is a *special* thing. I had to special order the bug deflector… usually $49.99 +/-, but for *this* special hood; it cost $100 n change < gasp >. What the…? Shit… same thing with the window visors…. Those had to be special ordered too because this truck is a 4-dr and the back windows are fixed, i.e. won’t open (sort of a bummer because I loved having those windows open in the Mazda, but I’ll live). Same with seat covers… I can only assume, because they didn’t have any in stock for my truck, but maybe those are special too. < sigh > I ordered the bug deflector and the visors. The seat covers can wait; just getting into the truck drained me to almost broke; I need a few paydays to recoup. I searched the ‘Net for forums and info, but and only finding a bunch of trucks for sale or crap message boards. Nothing of quality yet. We have Seekins’ Ford right here; right down the road from my house. Why not just go talk to them about it?! After all, the truck has a Seekins’ sticker on it, so that’s probably where it came from just three years ago. However IME they’re not friendly and not very willing to talk to you unless you flash the cash or indicate that you’ve got some to spend. What the hell, I’ll try it anyway. I stopped in today hoping to s’plain to someone what you just read and ask them if they can tell me a little about the truck. They were pretty busy so I was prepared to wait even if I had to. It’s a gorgeous day, about 80 degrees and sunny, I was ready to just hang out for a while. As I approached the door someone did ask, “Can I help you find something?” me – Yes, I hope so. I’m looking for some information on my truck.he just looked at me…. me – I’ve been driving a Mazda B2600i for the last 11 years. A couple weeks ago I bought a used 2001 Ford Ranger XLT. It’s a very nice truck with plenty of extras, power everything, and buttons galore! < smile and a little laugh > I’d like to talk to someone who can tell me more about the truck. What’s standard, what’s been added, and what makes this particular truck so *special*.Figuring he’d refer me to someone particular, or ask me to wait for so-n-so… when, with an almost pompous, arrogant tone of voice he – well all of my sales people are busy right now < gesturing around as if I couldn’t see how busy they were >I was a little taken back, I expected him to follow it up with my previous expectation, something like, ‘If you’d like to wait a while….’ or ‘We have a massive sale going on right now (which I didn’t know but was revealed in what happened next) could you maybe come back Monday?’ but no – there was no follow up… just a awkward silence that really rubbed me the wrong way me – so….. you’re not willing to talk to me ? WHAT THE FUCK? Argue, I just want to ask some questions and maybe get some answers – but this guy is responding to me as if I had waltzed up there and demanded them all to stop what they are doing RIGHT NOW and serve ME. How the hell was I supposed to know they had some major sale going on, OR that he was apparently so tightly wound that he couldn’t just talk to someone about their truck. me – I wasn’t implying YOU or any of your salesmen need to answer my questions right this second. I merely asked if there was SOMEONE who would be able to talk to me about my truck.And he walked away I don’t care HOW you slice it, that was just wrong. How he spoke to me from the get-go was just wrong. And even if he did get the impression I wanted someone to talk to me RIGHT NOW – which is not what I said, nor was it how I presented my question – he could have, SHOULD have, clarified that or simply explained that they were too busy with the sale to help me right now and offered an alternative or suggested another time would be better. He did not have to be just a pure ass about it. A little stunned at what a major dickhead this guy was being, I was frozen there, but only for a second before a “Well Fuck You then…” slipped out as I turned to walk away. I think a mumbly “Cock sucker” might have even slipped out… I was so pissed. There was a guy in a huge F350 watching all of this so I maintained my cool and hoped he’d only seen and not heard what happened there. So FUCK YOU Seekins’ Ford, you officially SUCK ASS. I will never step a foot on your lot again, and will surely never buy a truck from you! And I will gladly pass this story on, any chance I get, for many years to come. =========================================================================== =========================================================================== |
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